Auntie Sandy is here!

My fabulous sister Sandy arrived on Sunday, and after a record 45 minutes from plane landing to walking outside, we all headed to our house to start our adventures together. Of course the first order of business was to go have lunch at Mike's - which we did and enjoyed being out in the sun. Then back to the house to give out the goodies she brought from home. There are clothes - including most importantly pants with inside elastic so that Tara no longer shows her sweet little butt crack when he pants slip down!! A few sweatshirts for both us, a couple t-shirts, and then.... the fun stuff. Lots of books - which we've already been enjoying. Tara got her very first reading of One Fish Two Fish by Auntie Sandy - as the cuddled on the bed.

Tara and I have been enjoying the Sandra Boynton books as part of our evening routine. And the stickers and posters and photos are on the wall. On Monday, after school, I had to go run some errands so Sandy took on Auntie Duty - and they read books and she pulled out the princess jewelry from Auntie Debbie - which Tara enjoyed putting on, taking off, putting on us, etc. She is a princess in the making!

Monday after we dropped Tara at school, Sandy and I relaxed over breakfast and then met up with Celia and Karina for a quick trip to Patan Durbar Square to see the tourist sites and do a bit of jewelry shopping (that area is known for its crafts). Sandy got some great beads and necklaces and I got a Tara Goddess statue - she is a Goddess of generosity and can be found as a White or Green Tara - though I bought a black statue so I figure I can say she is either one.

Monday evening was spent again celebrating the recent visa approvals of our friend Larry and his son Cali. We all met at the Irish pub - and in honor of Sandy's visit - we had Tara dressed in her Northwestern sweatshirt! Check out the photo - sweatshirts, beer, and princess beads! The kids ran around as usual and the adults chatted and relaxed together.

Celebrations

Two more families got approvals! Our new friends here, Larry and his son Cali, will be going home next week. And little Orion and her whole crew (mom Chris, Shannon and Katie) will also head out. So excited for them all and anxious to be on the same path. Here's a picture of all the kids hanging out as we celebrated the good news. We will definitely miss the boy among the gaggle of girls!!

On my side of things - it looks like the snowstorm on Wednesday/Thursday has quashed my hopes for getting our response submitted on Monday. My lawyer was out of electricity at home and the office so couldn't make progress. It's now looking like she'll finish a draft for me to review this weekend and then we'll try and finish up the final version on Monday. Which means I'd get it early Tuesday morning - print and bind and rush it to Fedex. Most likely I won't make the 11am flight that day - so it'll go out Wednesday instead. I know it's only 2 days difference - but it's the difference between it getting registered at the Embassy in New Delhi this next week or the week after - and that's disappointing. It's putting my hopes for a return at the end of the month a little out of reach. Ugh. But - trying to keep positive and very excited for Sandy to come on Sunday!!!

We needed this!

We had a really great evening the other day. Two of the families are living together in a relatively large apartment and several of us all got together over there for drinks and dinner - adult hanging out - while the kids all ran around. It felt like being at home - a normal evening - hanging out with friends while the kids ran around. We all really needed it. I know for one, I've hit a wall and am just getting sick of the daily cold, traffic, challenges, etc. And I've only been here a month - less than these other families. So - it was nice to have an evening of 'normality'. Here's the photos to prove it!




On the investigation front - we're done!! All the interviews are done - and I'll get the notarized official copies of everything tomorrow. I wrote a full draft of the response and sent it to my lawyer for her to start reviewing Monday am. She and I spoke last night and she's working on getting it fully drafted and ready to go. I'm still hoping to be able to bring it to Fedex on Monday!!

Soccer star - not quite yet!

I have not been great about updating the blog - and for that I'm sorry. Tara and I are plugging away at life here and enjoying hanging out with the other 3-year olds and their families. School is going well and she has actually started to not pout when I leave and seems to be excited when I go to pick her up - so that's a good transition. We're enjoying our downsized home - especially now that we have a propane heater and can keep toasty even during the electricity outages (about 12 hours a day now).

I'm just going to post pictures - since that's what you all want any way! Note that I have several times forgotten to bring Tara's sports shoes - so instead of having her run around in her school shoes, I've let her go in her socks. Bad mom - maybe I'll finally remember to bring them next time! Also take a look at the glam girl she is - making sure her sunglasses are always in place. We have enjoyed hanging out with Cali and Karina (in the pictures) and their parents Larry and Celia at the Hotel Shankar - soccer balls and all. It's so nice to have a community of families going through the same thing - for the children and for us.

And in case you haven't seen the news this weekend - our stories have finally gotten picked up:
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=133141725 (here's the NPR version of the story - but it seems to have gotten out to several newspapers - including NYTimes and Wash Post).

Mommy

Today, I got my first 'Mommy' from Tara. No, it wasn't a 'mommy help' or 'mommy' come here type moment. I wanted her to try a hot drink this morning and she pointed to me and said 'mommy' so I would try it first. I did and then tried to get her to try it and she just pointed to put it on the table. So - no go at drinking the hot drink and it was even chocolate so she doesn't know what she's missing! But more importantly, she called me Mommy!!!!

Other things going on. She's enjoying counting and can get to 3 then jumps to 7 - which is her favorite number to say. But, if I do it with her, we can get all the way up to 10. I think this is definitely a school influence. ABCs are coming more slowly, but that's also because I don't have as many tools to move her along with that but we're using internet and getting there. She's also really enjoying naming car, bus, truck and tuk tuk (a 3-wheeled vehicle) when we're in taxis. Slowly slowly she's using English words and it's fun!

I failed at my first try and laundry. I couldn't figure out the laundry machine and then it got stuck on rinse for a few times before I realized that I think I needed to simply turn the dial to spin. But then, the electricity went out. So after starting my laundry 2 days ago (yikes!) I decided it was simply time to take it out, wring it out, and hang it up to dry. It'll take a bit longer, but it will be done. And since I forgot to get a laundry line at the market today - it's hanging all throughout our bathroom!

The weather has warmed up a bit so that it's back to being sunny in the afternoons - though cooler than before it makes a big difference!

And the biggest excitement - my sister Sandy is coming for a visit!! A week from Friday she'll leave Chicago and arrive on Sunday the 30th for a week. It'll be great for Tara to meet another Aunt and for me to have her here. Hopefully by then my paperwork will also have been sent to USCIS and we'll be in the line to wait to hear about coming home.

The photos today are from Jennifer - mother to Maya (also in the pictures) - so you can see me and Tara together and how we get around with my Tara Backpack. Josie and her daughter Leah round out our photos of the mom's and their girls on our day in Thamel.

Sorry for the absence!

Hi Everyone -
Sorry for the absence from the blog - it's been a transition weekend as we've moved into a new (and cheaper) home. We're staying in a cozy 1-bedroom guest space that's next to a colleague's house (Mark from TPO-Nepal). It'll save a bunch of $$, it's only a 5-minute walk to Tara's school, and it's got some great green grass for her to run around in. So - although it's smaller and has less of the fancy amenities, it made sense to move. The challenge right now is figuring out the internet thing. When Mark's internet is up, I can get the wireless clearly and without problem. But sometimes it goes down - so I will have to go today and get a plug in for my computer so I can get internet off the phone system when Mark's system is down. Need to stay connected to you all!!!

We seem to be in the coldest and grayest week of the year right now. At dinner last night my friend Bhava promised me that this will only last a week and then it will actually start getting warmer. But brrrr, I had to put tights under Tara's pants and multiple layers on her for school - since it's not heated out there!

Otherwise, things are moving along with us. We've got our routine down with breakfast and skype (usually), school, then an afternoon of play (either with other kids or else just with me), I try to get a nap in for her but that usually happens if we're running errands since she falls asleep with motion (i.e. in the car, on my back when walking). Dinner and then she's in bed usually by 7:30 or so. Last night was late since we went out to dinner with Bhava and family, she fell asleep at the table since we left there at 8, and she slept until 8 this morning! So, she should be all caught up now.

In terms of the investigation, the investigator spent the day at Tara's orphanage and was able to get lots of details of her time there, including many photos from when she was a baby and early toddler. For the investigation that's great - but also for me and Tara, to be able to have a record of her early days is so valuable. I'll leave you with a few of her early baby pictures.

Rollercoasters are not always fun

A post a little less about Tara and more about me today. It's been a hard week thus far, it's emotionally draining to be worrying so hard about how our investigation is going, when it will all be completed, whether we'll get enough evidence, and most importantly, if we'll get approval. There's been a lot of anxiety in the last few days among the adoption families, but much of it was relieved today with 2 more families getting approval for visas to bring their children home. This makes 6 of 6 responses thus far - and although it's clearly no guarantee that we will all get approvals - it feels good to see 2 more approved.

Two of the 6 have used the same investigator I am using and so that gives me a good feeling as well. We've hit a couple bumps - just bumps mind you. The director of the orphanage who was interviewed by the US Embassy and thus needs to be interviewed again by us is in Europe for 2 weeks. We are trying to get her email address to send her questions by email but haven't heard back yet. It's just a bump, as she is returning, I just want her to return now! Also, Tara's direct caregiver at the orphanage is on holiday this week - so she'll need to be interviewed next week as well. Again, nothing dramatic, just not smooth sailing yet.

The interviews with the police are moving along - it's a slow process as most have never been asked to do these kind of interviews and are generally suspicious. But, that's partly why I hired this investigator as he has experience with this type of process the world over and is working with a great Nepali collaborator. They were over here the other evening and Tara, who generally does not interact a lot with adults, was totally hamming it up for both of them. That makes them good guys in my book. Oh, and the fact that the investigator and I could chit chat about trials and tribulations of working in Congo doesn't hurt things either.

So - the challenges of being a mom to a 3-year old who is, slowly slowly, starting to understand me and slowly slowly learning a few English words (I think we're up to 10 now - her favorite being Socks and Duck - the latter I think because of the rubber duckies Fernando got and plays with while we're all on skype), trying to navigate life in Kathmandu, and then the stress of the unknown - it's a lot. But - I have a fantastic support system in the US with lots of skypes and emails from family and friends. Tara now 'gets' the whole skype thing and will interact if the person on the other side is silly enough :)

On the Tara front - she's had 2 full days of school now - 9:30 to nearly 2:00 each day. There are a few tears/some reticence when I first start to leave but we have a nice morning routine now (thanks Loren) that includes goodbye nose kisses (i.e. eskimo kisses). At the end of the day today she was busily playing and wasn't ready to come to me - which I take as a good sign especially since when she did come and I picked her up, she was all giggles. So - we'll make it through week 1 of school! The teacher today said the kids had dance session and she heard a loud screech of joy and couldn't believe it came from 'quiet' Tara. Ahh - the loud little girl I have come to know is now showing her colors to the school.

Last night we had a fun evening over at Chad and Celia's house again - with their daughter Karina and with Larry and his son Cali. The kids did a lot of parallel play but eventually played together and the evening ended with a good 30 minutes of all 3 kids running laps through the house screetching when one of the adults would stand and 'play' run after them. It knocked them all out for a good night of sleep. This evening Larry and Cali came up the stairs (they are in the same building) for dinner. Emma - who was here before me - had done some really good shopping and I've slowly been going through the freezer she left me which included some lovely Norwegian smoked salmon. So I cooked up ground meat (Buffalo I think), garlic and peas for the kids with sliced potatoes (they ate it all up) and scrambled eggs, cheese and salmon for Larry and I - to go along with our Coke and Whiskey (water for the kids of course). It was a success all around.

A Different Face

Today, when I picked Tara up from School the principal's words were "she has a different face today" - she was all smiles! Yeah!!!

In preparation for school today, we stopped by the 7-11 store around the corner from the apartment that is owned by 2 brothers (along with 3 other stores right in the same area) who have taken very good care of the adoption families who live in the area. These guys help with the necessities of money, phones, laundry, drink, directions and most importantly friendship. Today one of the brothers had a nice conversation with Tara (in Nepali) about how she was going to go to school today and just like yesterday, she would have fun and then Mommy would come and then we'd come back home, etc. etc. It was so sweet the way he talked to her and worked to put her at ease.

I repeated what he said, with the help of the teachers, when Tara and I got to the school, told her I love her, and let her go onto the playground. When I came back at noon she was on the swing giggling and laughing and although a little slow to come to me, was none the less happy to see me and eager to have me pick her up and take her out. So - success!! At least for the time being.

And we hit another milestone today - very minimal tears during bathing time! I worked hard to make it silly and fun, splashing water and blowing bubbles and although tears started a bit with the hair - we managed only a very few and she was all giggles after.

I'll leave you with a picture of the fantastic Tara Sunglasses that I purchased for her yesterday out of guilt for her first day of school. She loves wearing outside and inside the house and was happy to put them into her backpack when we got to school and then take them out again when we left.

Rought first day of school

Well - it was a hard day. I took Tara to school and she seemed fine. After registering her and paying fees, we walked around and then walked to the playground area. I encouraged her to go on and she walked over and tentatively sat on a seesaw like toy (after the teacher lifted her on). She didn't seem bothered but not completely engaged. I watched for awhile - tried to say goodbye but I don't think she really saw me or understood. And then I left. I went to Mike's for my usual morning break and it was very odd to eat without her. It was quiet.

A couple other families eventually joined and I hung out there until I returned to the school at noon. The day generally goes until 2, but since it was her first day, the school recommended I come in earlier. I got to her room and the teacher encouraged her towards me but she just stood there stunned and wouldn't come to me, wouldn't acknowledge me, nothing. I couldn't tell if she was in shock, angry or what. I tried to keep a strong face but I was devastated inside. I knew she didn't understand that I had left and would come back and I couldn't figure out how to tell her except through the teachers. The teachers said she played nicely with the other children but didn't talk - which is not surprising as it takes awhile for her to talk to adults.

My heart was broken as I took her outside to put her shoes on. I picked her up and she seemed almost not to notice. I decided to take her back over to Mike's - since it's around the corner and she's familiar with it - and I could get her a drink and re-connect with her. On my way there, as I was crossing the street, I totally fell. Again, I ripped a hole in my pants and bloodied my knee. Needless to say, I walked into Mike's, walked over to the group of families I knew, and just started to cry. It was a hard moment.

Slowly, slowly Tara started to re-connect and after about 15 minutes she was back. We spent the afternoon together - getting her a fancy 'North Face' backpack and her own sunglasses (my guilt purchase) and then played back at the house. By the evening she was her same, goofy happy self - thank goodness!

The other families assured me that her re-action, and mine, were all normal. She didn't know I'd come back and probably imagined that I'd simply brought her to a new orphanage. Another mom told me it took a week for her son not to cry at school so I should give it a week and see how she does. Just keep reminding her that 'mommy comes back' all the time, even if she can't understand it. They said she will eventually understand it. I hope so.

Needless to say - I'm exhausted. It's 7:30 and I'm going to sleep!

An afternoon of play

After a leisurely morning we headed out the Hyatt Hotel for their Saturday brunch buffet and play time in the gardens. We got their a bit early (12-ish) for the lunch so Tara and I, together with Larry and his son Cali and Sharon and her son Shekhar (both 3-year old boys) headed for a walk to the Stupa and some shopping. Tara and Cali were enthralled with the pigeons and Tara got her chance to spin her first prayer wheels.

After walking around - Tara is a walking trouper - we headed back to the Hyatt and met up with Karina and her parents, Celia and Chad - whom we had had a play date with earlier in the week.

What an afternoon of play and laughter. After lunch and warming up a bit - the four little 3-year olds were off and about. We tried to have one adult watching to make sure no one destroyed anything and no one got hurt, but we got lax a few times. We were so enjoying our glasses of wine and beer and they were enjoying being kids! There was tons of laughter and it was like they were a kid gang exploring the land. Sometimes they all got on the ground and ran their cars around and sometimes they held hands and ran through the grass.

And us parents, we got a respite from the challenges of being a parent in Nepal and just got to sit back and enjoy!

And we ended the night at dinner at a restaurant called Fire and Ice with Larry and Cali. And to prove to her in the future that yes, she did at one time love spinach - here is a picture of her wolfing it down:

A post of pictures

Nothing fantastic to write about - just going about our business plugging away at life in Kathmandu. So - I'll leave you with a photo montage of an afternoon playing with my sunglasses (she is too cool) and a morning with stickers!

Two very full days

I was simply too tired yesterday to post - so here's a double dose!

Yesterday we had a marathon walking day - I walked and Tara rode on my back in the new child-carry backpack I got from one of the other moms who had 2 of them. It was great as I was able to walk at a nice speed and get around town, though my neck and back were a bit sore. But - it definitely made navigating traffic and bad sidewalks much easier than with the stroller.

During our morning skype - with my sister Debbie - Tara was a bit fussy and wouldn't eat her usual hot rice and milk breakfast. I wasn't sure what was wrong and thought maybe she wasn't fully awake. Well - ended up I had put bad milk in her bowl (only discovered when I added it to my coffee). So my smart little girl knew better than to eat bad food - so I made her a new bowl and she gobbled it down. I found a website with somewhat interactive learn to speak English youtube video clips and she seemed to like them - so we watched a bunch in the morning and we'll see what she picks up. She's really starting to understand me a lot, thought not yet using English words to communicate back unless I prompt her with the word and she repeats it.

We then made our way to Mike's for our daily catch up with other folks and had a nice morning there until nearly noon. Then, on my back, we hiked to the Garden of Dreams because it was a lovely 65+ degree day with sun and Tara needed to run (actually - I needed her to run so she'd sleep well). At the garden she did a lot of running up and down stairs and happy squeeling - and several bathroom trips (she really loves washing her hands - I think it's actually that she likes to play with the tap water). Then we walked into Thamel and met 2 other families for a shopping excursion and late lunch. It was easy to walk around with her on my back and to window shop - I looked at a couple rugs and still deciding if I want to go back. The highlight was ending up at a restaurant called OR2K - an Israeli owned place where the menus were in Hebrew and English and the food was Israeli (i.e. sandwiches with 'Yellow' or 'White' cheese - which basically translates to cheese you slice or cheese you spread) . Cracked me up - even out here, the Israelis can be found with their food! Tara had her first falafel and enjoyed dipping it into the tahini and hummos. It's a good thing she liked it since I guess when I get home I won't be able to send her to school with peanut butter sandwiches because of the general nut bans!! Tara totally enjoyed running around the restaurant with Maya - the little girl she played dress up with the other day. It's so nice to see my little girl basically having friends!

The walk home was uneventful - if you don't count the broken post I walked into tearing my jeans and cutting up my knee. I didn't fall though, so sleeping Tara on my back was not awaken, even after a nice round of swear words came flowing from my mouth!

Then - we had our first dinner party. Another family is now here in the apartments (Larry and his son Cali) and since it was Larry's first night with Cali I invited them up for pasta. I set the table for 4, the kids got water cups and Larry and I got wine - and although both kids were sleepy it was nice. He's a stunning beautiful boy and we'll be seeing him more now that we're neighbors!

Today - we had a skype call with Fernando and Tara was very excited by the rubber duckies that he had bought and showed on the screen. Once prompted, she repeated 'duckies' several times and was full of giggles. She's getting more and more interactive with the skype calls as she gets used to seeing people on the computer and had fun making faces during a call with Debbie this morning as well.

We then hiked over to Mike's and then had a play date with another family - Celia and Chad and their 3-year old daughter Karina. They live in Chicago so we are excited to have our daughters become friends and then visit when we are visiting with my own family. Karina was shy at first - not sure she wanted to share her toys - but after lunch (i.e. after bread was broken) the girls were giggling, happy and goofy - our favorite. They put on their toy filled backpacks and pretended they were going to school! It's good practice, since Tara will start on Sunday and I'm hoping it's not a difficult transition. The adults shared a nice big bottle of beer while the children played - not such a bad day in Kathmandu!


And here's a special shout out to Fernando - Happy Birthday my dear!

Hopkins is Everywhere

This morning I met Larry - one of the parents who has returned several times since he and his wife adopted their son and now he's back until he can take him home. Larry is staying in the same apartment complex and Emma had left him a bunch of things so I passed them on this morning. At least for the next week while I'm still here, it will be nice to have another family so close!

The main activity for the day was the play group at the British Embassy. This is a play group of parents and their young children that is pretty much open to any expat from it seems any country - there were Canadians, Indians, French, and of course, a whole bunch of us Americans. I'm not sure there were any Brits! The best part about this play group is that the grounds of the British Embassy have a full size playground - with sandbox, climbing areas, slides and swings - and lots of grassy space for the kids to run in. This is a rarity in this city and so it's an oasis - and it happens to be about a 10 minute walk from where I am staying - so an even bigger bonus.

Tara was a bit timid at first, but soon was playing along side, and sometimes even with, other kids in the sandbox (that was her favorite). We also mastered the slide and the swing - which she loved as well. Something to think about for my backyard.

While a lot of the folks at the play group were from our adoption community, there were more permanent families that were there and it was nice to meet them. One woman I was talking with is American and has lived in KTM for 1.5 years. Ends up she and her husband both got their Masters degrees from Hopkins School of Public Health and she has been working on putting together an alumni event this month. So - now I'm on the list and will get to meet fellow Hopkins public health folks - Nepali and expats. Yes - Hopkins folks are everywhere!

Tara took a great afternoon nap and I was actually able to catch up on some work emails, which felt like a luxury. The work is piling up and I have to say although the break has been really nice, I am looking forward to getting back into some of the things. I was lazy for dinner so went next door to the Radisson and got Pizza and salad for dinner. I braved the salad because I was just craving fresh veggies - hopefully it won't have been a wrong choice. Tara had her first pizza experience and while I put salad on her plate, she basically ignored it. She did however really like the pizza - chicken tikka with eggplant and tomato (I had to get a Nepali version after all!).

Good day all around.

First Playground

Today started with a very quick 5-minute trip to the IOM to have Tara's TB test checked. She's negative so yeah, that's the only health issue that could have created problems with immigration, but not something we have to worry about. Then we had our 2nd play date with the wife and child of my colleague that I worked with in Indonesia. He's Nepali and his wife is Indonesian - and they have a 3-year old son. So we all met up, with their Didi (Nanny) and went to an indoor playground in one of the new malls. It's a typical children's gym - with arcade games and all downstairs and a little kids area upstairs - where we spent most of our time. Mostly the 2 kids played separately, but we did get them together for the swings and on the slides. Tara was totally delighted by the slides and really by all the activities, including the rides. She was all smiles and laughter!

For me the only drawback was that it was the Didi that spent most of the time with us, so Tara got a good viewing of the Didi model. This has been really hard for me as Tara still refers to me as Didi rather than Mommy. I try to correct her everytime she says it, but I know she doesn't know what a Mommy is and all she's ever known are Didi's. It's just hard to hear. I'm the one having more adjustment issues it seems than she is. I'm the one seemingly more frustrated by our inability to communicate - she seems to be sailing through things basically with a smile on her face!

We spent the later afternoon back at the apartment - dancing, singing and playing. It's a joy to be with her even when I'm the one getting stuck. I did open a bottle of wine this evening, 1 glass was all I needed!

Play Date

Woke up this morning and felt good - we were going to have a good day. After a morning of pancakes and playing we went to meet several of the other families at the Hyatt - where they have a heated whirlpool for the kids to play in (with mom's and dad's of course) and a big weekend buffet. Unfortunately for us, the Hyatt food service workers decided to strike today, so we spent a couple hours at the whirlpool and had to go elsewhere for lunch. Tara, still not a fan of water, put her feet in but was not yet ready to go in completely. Next week we'll bring our swimming suits and try a little bit further.

After a lunch of Indian food (she eats lots of vegetables if they are covered in sauce!!!) Tara and I walked over to one of the other family's apartment. Jennifer has been here since early November and living with her daughter Maya, who is about Tara's age. Maya's smaller, so I had brought some of the 2T clothes that are too small for Tara and Jennifer had some pants to give us. Jennifer and I ended up sitting on her couch for almost 2 hours watching our daughters play dress up with the fancy headbands and jewels her mom had brought. It was such a joy to see our little girls playing together - even if there was some grabbing and pulling. Neither of us had seen our daughters interact so well with another child and it was just so fun that it made us laugh to see them so giggly and girly. I'm posting a bunch of photos - please excuse the snotty nose on my daughter - it's getting better but it's still there.

After a dinner of leftovers, Tara was exhausted and went right too sleep. I'm not too far behind! On the investigation front - the advertisement about her abandonment with an updated photo (the same ad that was done when she was first brought to the orphanage) will go out into the paper tomorrow. This will help show that I have looked for her birth parents in my response to the US gov't. The formal investigation should start in about a week!